Praying for Wayward Children: Words that Wound

How to Repair Words We Regret

Lily Taylor | 7.18.22

The following post is inspired by the events detailed in our true story, Unconfined: Lessons from Prison and the Journey of Being Set Free, by Lily Taylor. We hope it will help you find joy and purpose while you are waiting on restoration.

The Bible says our tongue is a powerful weapon – able to inflict both life and death. (Proverbs 18:21).  I recently fell into this trap and said some things I later regretted to our oldest son. We were having a fairly pleasant conversation which changed very quickly when he started blaming his father and I for his own poor choices. I knew his words were not true, but they wounded deeply anyway and I erupted into tears and shouting. 

After he left in a rage, I felt miserable. While part of me felt justifiably angry, as a believer I regretted that I let myself react in such an unhelpful way. Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." The Voice translation puts the same scripture this way: “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

I was especially disappointed with my reaction, because it came on the heels of some relationship progress and felt like such a big setback. I was reminded of how Proverbs 18:19 says, "A brother who has been insulted is harder to win back than a walled city, and arguments separate people like the barred gates of a palace!”

If many of your conversations end in shouting, this means you both feel like you’re not being heard. 

Prayer for Prodigals: How to Make it Right

After much prayer and reflection on this topic, I have outlined some suggestions below that helped me and I hope they will help you:

1.       Try a different method of communicating for a while. I texted our son and told him that I was only going to communicate with him by text for a few days. This was not some sort of punishment, but because when I write, I tend to read my sentences and rewrite them before I send each message, and I often temper my words when I do. The text-only communication lasted several days in which we had a few really good exchanges.

2.       If you said something that you regret, apologize – even if the other person started the argument and hasn’t yet apologized. At least you know that you have started the healing process from your end, which is all you can control.

3.       Actions speak louder than words sometimes. Endeavor to speak less and “show up” in a different way. A few days after our argument, our son made us aware that he made some more poor choices and didn’t have enough money to buy essential needs. Instead of another lecture, or “resentfully rescuing” with money, we dropped off a few groceries and said a prayer with him. This didn’t solve his problem, but our brief connection demonstrated that we care about his suffering.

4.       Ask the Holy Spirit to soften their heart and diminish the power of your words. God’s words are incredibly powerful. He literally spoke the whole universe into being with a word. He likewise has the power to “capture” anything negative you have put out into His universe and render it ineffective for the devil’s use. Isaiah 54:17 says, “No weapon formed against you will prosper.”  I believe that can apply to even weapons you've created yourself!

Finally, remember that our words reveal what’s in our heart. (Luke 6:45). If you have used your words in a way that doesn’t line up with Ephesians 4:29, then you probably have some self-care to do on your own heart. You may be completely justified in what you said, but if you want all of your words to honor God, fill your heart with the peace of God. Philippians 4:6 says that when we pray thanksgiving in our heart – we will “know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus…”

If you have experienced victory over the “tongue,” please share your comments below!

Blessings,
Lily